Rennik Sadorn

Should've mentioned that I tried/started NNN and... Yeah, my body did not cooperate with the abstainment order(s). I will still be trying to adhere to NNN regardless and ignoring my body's lewdly-toned screams(?) for a 'thicc soft gamer GF'. ...I still hope for something to happen, but I'll (try) not feed that fire. Last time I did I became something applicable to the label of 'deranged'.

Had another one of those bodily-induced horny phases throughout the last ~30 days thanks to my own father 'persuading' my return to online dating. Well, I've got online dating induced depression to uninstall from my brain again which'll take a good while. I don't think it's exactly my own fault though that people are as they are. Meanwhile the YT algorithm fed this thing to me, maybe you'll enjoy listening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4fOOZxevsg

Ever since o' father mine 'persuaded' me back into online dating, my bodily urges have returned to their default state. It's frustrating because, ever since the tailend of January of this year, I had -more- control over my body than I ever had before, and even managed a few months of working from home (9-5/5) before that started dealing damage to my mental/physical health. Until I started again due to my father also being frustrated at the circumstances. Now I've been forced back on here, with what I expect to be but vain hopes and futile dreams. Especially since this isn't so much a site for dating, as a place to let one's self weeb-out... But yeah. That's the current state I'm contending with.

A glimpse. Good luck trying to guess where and when.

A user by the name 'MRCest67' - likely a fake, due to them wanting me to email them money 'for the less-privileged' in a longwinded message that sounded scam-flavoured. Just putting this out there as a 'watch out for this one' kind of alert.

In better news, ever since today, I've got my 2nd vaccine. So there's that.

Thought I should say that, often, in the afternoon (in the UK timezones around 7 PM or later depending on the day), I do go on VRChat - usually when I feel lacking in direction or want to take an e-walk just for a change of scenery. I go by Koldraxon on VRChat like I do on Steam, Discord, and so on - if you want to know more, feel free to PM me on the topic.

Benefits of online dating: -A chance to meet someone you'd normally not ever meet. Drawbacks of online dating: -Exposure to all the wrong of the world. -Self-doubt. -Despair. -Depression. -Hormonally-induced madness. -Unhealthy hoping habit. -'Cattle-logic'-ification of the human species. -Remembering why you got a Dakimakura (if applicable). -Being compared to unrealistic standards set by people who probably cannot meet their own standards either. -Addiction to all of the above. -Probably putting too much about one's-self online. -Pandemic discourages interaction. -Wastes hundreds of hours. -Can include bots that may steal your E-wallet. Accurate? I suppose.

Occasionally, I wonder... Wait, it's 11:40 PM.

It's the 2nd of August, 10:50 PM, 2021. I'm feeling the ol' hormonally-driven sexual frustrates again. I hate that feeling. "Why?", asks nobody, because nobody asked. I hate it in the same way you would hate being 'non-consensually horny'. It is a thing, getting aroused when you don't want to be, or not being aroused when you want to be, or having to fight your own body shouting in it's own nonverbal language 'FIND A [expletive] MATE ALREADY BAKA!'. Hence why I call it 'hormonally-driven sexual frustrates' - it's not something I actively think about. My body has these wonderful inconveniences where it just so happens to decide all on its own that it needs a female and won't stop until one is found, and will do everything it can to leverage anything in that orientation. Which is annoying because this is during a pandemic and the opposite sex in my local area are visibly not at all interested in anything of the sorts. What worsens that is my stubbornness regarding dating apps/sites because of my many attempts with those yielding one-timers who want free drink and idle conversation with a stranger possibly due to my inability to /social (which also is neglected, thanks pandemic), bots giving links to suspicious sites and repeating pretty much the same 'I'm horny! Yay' phrase until you give them money and then they may go 'sike!', and then people who shouldn't be running from a relationship they put together themselves consensually but are for whatever reason. I will be blunt. Sites like PoF, Tinder, Bumble and so on have all been tried and have gone nowhere. Maybe I put too much info out there. Or put too little of a certain kind. Or am too much 'this' and not enough 'that'. Or an intelligent male is not what today's society wants and they'd rather an orc or something big broad with rippling musculature (which I do not have as I indoors and consume manga/anime/games/digital stuff as my preferred day-by-day course of action). Maybe I'm just ventilating again. I yearn for a world where women can get up and start doing the things men stereotypically do to men who stereotypically did them and encourage some more assertive/aggressive/wholesome bonding because seriously? Something is missing in the worldview I possess and it may be causing this whole rambling heap of nonsense. It is also the same something I cannot purchase and if I was given the option to do so I would, on the condition that it was a mutual exchange devoid of currency or material goods and wasn't sourced from slavery-oriented means. I don't know if anyone else gets these kinds of problems at the level I have them at or has them worse, but I hope this gives you an insight of some kind.