Caleb of the cancer

and I'm not being edgy to be edgy, I'm am honestly warning you of this rabbit hole that most likely I will never recover from going down.

so please heed my warning do not copy my life style. because once you start my self-destructive style of life is very hard if not impossible to get out of it. this is coming from a person who lost out on a lot of opportunities because of this lifestyle. I lost out on having a "normal life", I never got to do after school activities like clubs or proms, had only three friends irl at one given time and even then the friendship ends poorly within 1 to 3 years, and ontop of devoting to schoolwork or work in general just to keep you sane enough to appear normal.

I care about and want the best for all of you even though you don't want to know who I actually am or want the worst for me because of the shit I post. I honestly do care. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I'm better than doing self-harm or worse. I just want to warn people that expecting a lot of mental pain, as well as not understanding the social constructs and not to fall down the rabbit hole of being anti-social.

to those who are socially awkward, or who are introverted please know this is what happens when you don't social life for 20 years does to you please learn from that socializing is necessary to be a well-rounded person to function. learn from my experience your most likely going to end up like myself. alone, cynical, and in a self fulfilling cycle of pain that repeats.

listen to in order to understand the cycle I go through every day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK2_tQD6nYA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaukH3XtNZA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfDjVhi-doI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ulQI-I0gIo

The story behind "Devil's Trill" starts with a dream. Tartini allegedly told the French astronomer Jérôme Lalande that he dreamed that The Devil appeared to him and asked to be his servant. At the end of their lessons Tartini handed the devil his violin to test his skill—the devil immediately began to play with such virtuosity that Tartini felt his breath taken away. When the composer awoke he immediately jotted down the sonata, desperately trying to recapture what he had heard in the dream. Despite the sonata being successful with his audiences, Tartini lamented that the piece was still far from what he had heard in his dream. What he had written was, in his own words: "so inferior to what I had heard, that if I could have subsisted on other means, I would have broken my violin and abandoned music forever."