I'll help you out, vent here.

@Lamby, the kid will always have you and your mother support. Even in the future, if he lives far away from you, he can still rely on the family he grew up into. I am glad someone like him has people that worry and care about him. A lot of the kids in his situation end up having no one and no other family they can go to. So maybe things will turn up for the better. We can't worry excessively for the past, we should do our best for us and others now and see what happens. Things will turn out to be okay. Even if it doesn't seem like that now.

@Johannes, therapy is always the answer when it comes to mental illnesses. But to COPE with it? If you have the possibility, join a support group for depression. If not, then, at the top of my head: - do things you used to enjoy - reach out to people - be patient & kind to yourself - aim for 8 hours of sleep per night (if not, at least 6 should do you well) - have a somewhat healthy routine you can stick to (eg waking up at 9 AM, eating, taking a walk, doing something small but productive, etc.) - practice relaxation techniques - exercise a little, if possible - try to not let your mind fck your day up with all the negative things it can say about you and everyone else I am sorry that you are going through depression. Maybe all I said was useless, but having a mental illness take over your life and not being able to do anything is horrible. Do all you can do to cope and keep it at bay as much as you can. Take care.

Some of these things are things I already do. Some of these are things that I just can't relate to. It might sound stupid but I have no idea how to be patient & kind to myself. All I know is how productive I'm being in my day. There's a bunch of things that need to be developed. I'm nowhere near done developing my personality. I've often times been told I'm far too hard on myself, but I have no idea how not to be hard on myself. If I'm kind and patient to myself, I'll just not be productive and start gaming all day. I actually won't be doing anything whatsoever, everything will only get worse. Once I have a good idea that I want to stick to, and plan it out and talk about it with people, it lasts for 2 or maybe 3 days and then it's over and I go back to being where I was before that good idea (usually worse actually). I excercise lots and I love myself, I sleep enough, but I'm lonely, I hardly see any friends, there's no motivation for me to do anything and I don't think I would care if I'd die right now. I lost interest in so many things, I feel like I never have enough sleep, all I care about is my appearance & playing games with friends (doing anything with friends tbh). The only thing I still have going for me is what I study, which is a teacher's degree in computer science, which I really enjoy doing. I'm scared of what will happen if I don't enjoy that anymore, and I don't want that to happen, but I feel like it's inevitable. I'm probably the most fatalistic I've ever been in my entire life. I have these very good idea's, I know what has to be done, I'm more organised than ever, I'm positive, but at the same time, behind all of that, I'm fatalistic about everything. Behind all of my personality, is deep self-hatred, fatalistic idea's and loneliness. This is the largest cry for help I've probably ever done, as I want to set an example, not be this person who has depression and can't cope with it or something. I should get therapy, probably. I'm just a little afraid of getting an appointment, because then I'll acknowledge it or something

I honestly don't know what to do with any of this information, it's just there in the back of my mind. "I hate myself" is something that's so easy for me to say because it's true, but "I love myself" is just as easy as it is also true. The amount of positivity I exude is shadowed by how fatalistic I am about everything I do. I try to keep pushing forward but with every step I try to take, I fall back and become a worse person. Is this what winter depression is or is this just me who is slowly becoming depressed?

@Johannes, seasons (summer & winter most specially) can totally affect your mental state. SAD is totally true and a valid mental illness. You can ask for people's advice all day long, but at the end of the way, how much difference will it make? Especially in the long run. It has to start with you. Wihin you. Please do make an appointment. I know it's scary, but it's for your own good. And lots of people go to therapy without something really serious going on in their lives. You can think of it as talking with someone who knows how to listen and how to nudge you into the right direction YOU want to take for yourself. @ɧąɱɱɛཞ, happy someone else sees how important therapy can be and IS. I also want to make appointment. But I keep making excuses for myself. T. T

I like the idea of beauty. I like seeing the beauty in things, in war, in peace, in sex, in reading, in meditating, in running, etc... Beauty is in everything, it just takes the right perspective to be able to see it.