How to help when it feels like you can't do anything.

I've got a friend who was dealt probably the worst hand I've ever seen in the game of life. I won't share too much for the sake of her privacy but, she's over worked without a stable home to go to, with anxiety and depression on top of it. All I can do is offer supporting words and be her virtual shoulder to cry on since we live in different states. I want to help but the distance is so far and she has almost no options that I can suggest to her. Suggestions for what I should do would be nice but I think mainly I just needed to vent off my second hand stress. I really care about her so this is really taking a toll on my emotions. Anyway, sorry to bother you all, please be civil and sensitive to the situation if you comment.

I do that, the best I can. She just has trust issues, not so much with me but its still hard for her to open up. She tends to isolate when things get hard and that's not what she needs right now.

Doing stuff together may contribute to helping. Whether it be finding shows to watch together, finding games to play together, or anything else you can really think of. Small gestures could also help contribute, such as if you're talented in any form of art, making a little gift present just as a "I appreciate having you around" kind of thing. Regardless, just trying to get the idea home that she has a friend she can rely on and always go to is something that can help tremendously. Demonstrating that no matter what issues she has, she'll always have a friend who won't abandon her in her eyes is something that she'll cherish when she realizes it.

Oh she knows, trust me we have some extensive history. Heavy emotional stuff is usually impervious to little stuff like activities and art too. It would be insensitive anyway, "you're depressed and worrying everyday about where you're gonna go next? Watch anime with me"

Apologies for two posts. In my own experience with talking with people online, I found that word choice also tended to have an impact. Using "we" statements rather than "you" statements can help. Making it seem more like it's about both of you rather than putting any weight (intentionally or unintentionally) on her. So instead of "I want you to feel better," something more like "We're going to get better." In that way, think of it like taking some of that burden unto yourself and figuratively holding her hand to help her through it.

No problem, two posts is fine, I just said keep it civil I suppose that makes sense, I've done that though, before she went radio silent we were mega close. She gets so wrapped up in it all that she probably doesn't realize things like that anyway. Idk I just try my best to show support in anyway I can, I just always feel like I could be doing more.

I'm sure talk about things like therapy or social workers has come up, so I won't talk about that, but it does sound like she may need a professional to help her. The difficult part in that scenario would be trying to convince her to go through with it. Depending on her age, it may also become tricky to do so. If you're unable to really find anything to do together and you aren't able to get her to seek professional help, I'm at a loss as to what else to do. The most I've been able to do for a friend of mine in that situation is when they threatened to do something terrible, I had the police called in their area to perform a mental wellness check. That's all I really have to offer in terms of any advice, unfortunately. I'm not qualified and the research I was just doing to try and find ways of aiding aren't very satisfying. Even if you think she may not notice some of the small things, how she interprets it in her mind can be drastically different regardless of how she acts about it. Continue to be there for her, give her something to talk about, feed into any passions she does have. Writing things out is a fantastic way of getting your thoughts out, and acceptance from a friend no matter how self-destructive they may think themselves to be is something that is absolutely important. To be told that even at their worst, they will be accepted. I think that's a comfort to her even if she doesn't think about it.

Yeah social workers are tricky, I suggested that to her once I think, she just has a lot of fear of the unknown. Even if she knows one course of action will be good for her she hesitates in case it could go wrong in the worst way. I'm going to do that tho, just be there for her, it's the only thing I can really do at the moment, honestly a solution to this problem is like fishing for a miracle.