Worried about a friend.

Sorry to say since usually I agree with Leo but I don't here. 1. Loneliness is normal when leaving these situations sure but the best thing I believe would be for her to go home to her family. I feel like raising a child is hard enough without having someone guilt tripping you constantly to stay. Homesickness is normal if it was a fairly big move but the one thing you shouldn't do is suffer for it. If she thinks it's more than just homesick feelings, you need to go home. Especially with such a big life event happening. Not everything in life can be explained by hormones, people have their own personalities and feelings too. It drives me insane when people throw hormones into everything. A factor of it could be certainly but not to that extent. 2. If he wanted to be around his kids, he should have been a better dad and boyfriend. Now that isn't to say cut him out completely but at this point it's the mother who is the priority. Stress is going to be a huge risk especially in early pregnancy and she needs to look out for herself and her babies. I think the best question to ask her is if her children were in this situation, would she want them to stay? I wouldn't, personally. Your friend needs to think about herself, not how he might feel. Everything else comes afterwards. If her family are supportive and caring then she already has a network to lean on. It's tough at first but everything falls into place eventually. So for my conclusion, she needs to decide if it's serious enough to leave. Make sure she knows that it doesn't need to be physical to be abuse. Emotional abuse is equally awful, it drains the soul. That is the last thing she needs right now. If she is struggling so desperately, she needs to find stability. Be that with her current boyfriend or with her family, that is what is most important. Somewhere she feels at home is where her children should be raised, not in a home with a man that she feels forced to stay with because he's the father of her children. I truly hope she figures it all out and is happy in the future. ^-^

Rat Queen. Like I said, It's not enough information to make a full conclusion on. 1. We don't even know how long she's been living with him. That fact alone makes things difficult to judge on. Pregnancy Hormones, can make a normally chill woman into a screaming, bi-polar psycho(Not saying she is.), So it can definitely affect people through depression. It's exactly about different personalities, because everyone will be affected by them differently. We don't even know if she'd want to leave if they weren't for them. Hence why I said, don't know enough about the person or the situation. 2. How? All the information we know is that she wants to go home, and he's guilt tripping her not to. That's not exactly "Lose your children" levels of behavior, It'd be different if he was legitimately abusing, emotionally or physically, But again. We don't know. The children are FAR more likely to grow up with mental issues, and problems without Both parents. This is a fact, Not an opinion. So if it's anything but a serious issue, It should be heavily considered before taking action. For all we know, she could be going under mental issues of her own, Which if brought under family court, could get her to Lose her children to the father fully. It's unlikely due to the sexism of family courts, but it is a possibility. There is not enough context to say such a big thing and go "Oh she should leave for sure.", because that is a massive decision for her future child/children. That could effectively ruin their lives. 63% of all suicides are caused by fatherless homes, 90% of all Runaways are caused by fatherless homes, 85% of all behavioral disorders are caused by it, 70% of all children who commit crimes, you guessed it. Fatherless Homes. So putting that into consideration, unless it's something truly serious Caused by him, Than it's something to take very seriously. That said, She should certainly be in contact with the family either way, As Baka said. Having more people to support you is always a good thing. Again, My point is, making such a huge decision shouldn't be hasty due to the heavy negative possibilities due to it, Especially by people like us, Who Don't Know All the Information necessary. We don't know the father, Nor the mother, nor the mental stability of either. All we know is a pregnant women is homesick, and a father that doesn't want to lose his children. That isn't enough knowledge to make a large decision. So with this in mind, Therapy would be useful. That way a professional can help her clear her head, so she knows exactly what's wrong, whether it's internal or external, and the correct way to go about things is chosen. Which it MAY be to leave the father to go home, But at least then, it's a fact that it's the best choice.

Leo. The question isn't how long she's lived with him, it's how comfortable she is with it. To me, it seems like they were in a long distance relationship before since she had to move. Now she could have been pregnant before that of course but if not, they've lived together for at least two months. If you ask me, that's long enough to know if it's going to work out. That said, the fact that she has a job so quickly could also mean she lives closer to home in which case it isn't a huge issue if she does choose to leave since her boyfriend can still have adequate access to the children. Hormones don't create thoughts or emotions, they amplify what you have. Hence why if she was sad, she'd feel depressed. It pushes it to an extreme. Guilt tripping IS a form of abuse. Abuse comes in many different forms. You know me well enough to know I understand that. Just because that's all that the OP knew about the situation doesn't mean that's all there is to it. I think if she feels trapped and like she doesn't want to be there but he won't let her leave then she is well within her rights to nope the fuck out of that situation. I grew up with an abusive mother and an absent father and while I'm far from perfect, I am happy. I highly, HIGHLY doubt those suicides are purely because they don't have fathers. Same for the others. While I can see your standpoint and how you think it plays into their nature vs nurture arguments, I'm not completely convinced. They could be getting bullied, for example, that causes teenagers especially to commit suicide or run away. Nothing to do with their fathers. Statistics are just estimates, we don't know that it was caused SPECIFICALLY because of that one thing. We guess. If it has gotten to the point she wants to throw herself down the stairs, it's not a hasty decision. It's a smart one. At least until she has the 'psycho' hormones out of her system as you'd say, I think she should move in with her family. Then maybe if he is being clingy or guilt-tripping her, it won't seem quite as intense. I still don't condone it but of course, it happens and if she's happy to deal with it, fine. All I know is what my own self-worth would tell me to do; walk away. No man is worth the pain of being abused for. Therapy might be useful if it works for her, yes, but if she is struggling with money already it's tough to see a therapist. From my point of view, her friends are her therapy and we are being asked for our opinions on the matter. This is mine.

1. Hormones most certainly DO CONTROL emotions. To say different just tells me you've not known many pregnant women. Tell me otherwise and I'll tell you what I dealt with for about nine months. That's not to say in her case it's not also amplifying her already depressed state, but it most certainly can cause some pretty big mood swings. Ever heard of postpartum depression? That's hormonal, the same thing can happen while pregnant and you don't have to of had depression before hand. 2. Leo is absolutely correct. Many here want to jump on their white horse and say "Halt! That fair maiden must be under attack! She needs to move, lest she is hurt more!" without seeing the big picture and having all the information. This is one of the main reasons I suggested talking to her OBGYN about pregnancy support groups(Basically like therapy sans therapist.), they have them for a reason and they're absolutely free. Nothing like talking to others who actually know what your going thru. Yes, being controlling is a form of abuse. But, how controlling? In what sense? Is it something that can be fixed or stopped? Is the boyfriend willing to change for the better? Would it be easier and better for her to just up and leave? Sure, moving back with her parents may very well be what's needed, but we can't know for sure. There's a lot of missing information. In situations like this, it's best if op's friend asks for help from those around her and not rely on third part advice from strangers online. But, I understand it's good to get varying perspectives. The main point of what I'm saying is, rely on your friends and rely on the resources provided for you before you rely on unseen strangers. We all have our opinions, but they're only based on the information given and not the whole picture.

I despair. I truly do. I didn't once say that hormones don't CONTROL emotions. In fact, I know they do. I just said they don't create them out of thin air. Perhaps with the exception of postpartum but that's a little different since there are a lot of factors and adaptations that go into it. I'm not talking about all pregnant women here, I'm talking about this specific one that the topic is made for. I guess you've had a pregnant wife/girlfriend if you've been on the receiving end of those mood swings and for that, I truly give you my respect lmao. The OP's friend was depressed beforehand which is why I said what I did. Now as for white horses and overprotecting women, I am not the kind to do that but it is my PERSONAL OPINION that in a situation with unborn children involved, you need to protect them over all else. If she is unhappy or feels unsafe then yes, she should carry out the rest of her pregnancy somewhere she feels safe and loved. I don't understand how OBGYN's work since I'm in the UK and I've never really looked into pregnancies here but if it's free then yes, 100% she should seek advice there before drastic action. If the only thing she says her boyfriend does is guilt her into being with him, my mind says that perhaps she doesn't WANT to be, in which case she should leave. Though if she does love and care for him by all means I agree that they should at least try to work things out. If nothing else it would save bitterness down the line. I agree with what you've said and to be fair I appreciate you responding with your thoughts. I feel like perhaps I wasn't clear with my own before. Professional help is always better than randoms on the internet but sometimes like you said varying perspectives are what is needed.

Hormones absolutely CAN cause emotions from nothing, For instance depression can solely caused by hormones. Anger can solely caused by hormones. And even if she were feeling them prior, they amplify emotions to the state of doing something you may regret in the long run. But let's give her the benefit of the doubt, and say that these hormones aren't what's causing her actions. The fact remains she is having some Heavy mental trauma due to the fact she's thought of throwing herself down stairs. She could have mental problems we don't know about in general. It depends on how the guilt tripping is, One could argue that begging someone to stay is guilt tripping, Which if the guy could lose his kids, isn't abuse. While it could also be something as horrific, as blaming or threatening suicide on them. It all depends on the context, which we do not have. So immediately saying it's abuse, is a heavy accusation when we know so little. As you know My father grew up with an abusive mother And Father. Statistically, that would lead him to being one also, however it didn't happen, because people are exceptions. However the fact remains, Fatherless homes, ALWAYS cause significant trauma, where it may feelings of abandonment, or behavioral disorders. That's not an opinion, Kids NEED both their parents to grow up without issues, and even then it often doesn't work, and increasing your kids chances of suicide by 70% isn't something to take lightly. SO the best bet in taking care of them, of what we know as of right now, is to keep them in a multi-parent home. That's just common sense. Consider this, Only ten percent of smokers have lung cancer. The Stats matter. While you could argue, other factors matter, which they do, You could make that point about ANY Statistic since the creation of math. Depending on what is causing this reaction, she could become WORSE due to these hormones, if she leaves due to many factors, one example being guilt. Your right, no man is worthy of abuse, Just like No mother is worth the death of their children. However, that isn't what is being discussed, nor is it relevant, since it has nothing to do with what I said. As I said before, Making your children fatherless, is a hefty price that you may never be able to take back. We don't know enough information to condone such huge decisions. We don't know if it's just her, or if it's something specifically serious. If it is, I fully agree with leaving him. However if it isn't, she is taking a gamble with her kids lives. Hence why I said it's not as simple as just leaving due to depression.

Okay. Honestly it's 1am here and I have zero interest in arguing with somebody over an opinion. I hope you have a great evening though. ^^

This thread is just another reminder of why I typically give smartass replies to serious topics. Why spend time explaining your opinions when others don't read/hear them with any intent to understand them? Rat never said that hormones DO NOT control emotions... yet, there it is, a rebuttal based on something that was never said. And the girl in the predicament IS NOT the one asking strangers online for advice, the OP is... and yet, there it is, the claim that the girl in the predicament shouldn't be asking for third party support. Also, IF someone pays attention to what rat was saying... "Homesickness is normal IFFFFFF it was a fairly big move..." "IFFFFFF she thinks it's more than just homesick feelings, you need to go home" "I think the best question to ask her is IFFFFFF her children were in this situation, would she want them to stay?" "IFFFFFFF her family are supportive and caring then she already has a network to lean on" "she needs to decide IFFFFFFFF it's serious enough to leave" "IFFFFFFF she is struggling so desperately, she needs to find stability. BE THAT WITH HER CURRENT BOYFRIEND OR WITH FAMILY" Where is rat making definitive claims based on insufficient information? Leo, help me out here.

space cadet She did say they don't create what isn't there(I.E. Not control), I made the rebuttal that they indeed Do, Since it can create disorders such as Depression, where they weren't there before. Hormones can absolutely give you new emotions. So now you're misunderstanding, or doing the exact same thing you're accusing me of, Bravo. You're words are very pretentious, Acting like I can't read the word "If", nor that understand her position. I've known Rat for over three years bud. I know her opinions on most subjects. I just happen to disagree with this one. I said it COOOUOLD be that it's just homesickness, Mixed with hormones. Or that it COOOOULD be a mental issue she could of had before made worst, or suddenly appeared due to hormone. And I even agreed that if a therapist believes that she's being abused than she should leave. AGAIN, you do exactly what you accuse me of. Self awareness man. I'd rather my kid be in a situation where it's possibly just their hormones acting up, rather than go a life without a father and have a heavy increased chance of suicide, dropping out of school, running away, criminal activity, behavioral problems, ect(A bigger chance, than smokers have to get lung cancer for example.). One is if seen through an intelligent lense can be fixed simply. The former is something that follows you through you for life, Or even ends it. And I stated already that she should get a hold of her family whether she stays or not. Again, You seemed to either skip or misread my words. Again, My point was that if she's having mental issues, Which she obviously IS(It's whether it's being caused by a external or internal reason.), That it wouldn't be wise to make a huge decision quickly without getting a professional's opinion on it, that can get the whole story, and history with mental health. If she leaves to her family, depending on what is causing these mental problems, it could become WORSE. Hence why I said, That we don't have enough information. She has said some bold claims, that I fully disagree with. So I said WHY I disagree with them. Because the woman we are talking about may not know the correct course of actions to make to begin with, Considering she''s already thought of suicide, her judgement is already skewered to some extent already. So, I'm just going to assume you didn't read all the way through the posts I've made, and wanted to Defend Rat. But next time before you accuse someone of not reading through the other's argument, Use basic reading comprehension yourself. And I'm just going to assume you got emotional and aren't a moron that did Exactly what he was blaming another person of doing. Good day.