Worried about a friend.

Like the title says. I'm really concern about my friend and dont know what to really tell her. Shes about 9 weeks pregnant living with her boyfriend that guilt trips her into staying with him because she misses her family and wants to go back. My main concern is shes told me she feels like a horrible person because shes have thoughts about throwing herself down the stairs or if shes having more then twins about possibly getting an abortion. Which I know would possibly destroy her and come back to haunt her later. I've told her she should just move back but cant. I really don't know what else to tell her. She does suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts in the past.

This is a very complex predicament... I can tell you care a lot about your friend though and this is something concerning and it looks like she’s just considering anything that would be an out outside of moving back from your account. The best thing right now would just keep her calm and be sane until you think you can help her make the descision to get out or at least comfort her for the time being or get extra help. If her boyfriend is guilt tripping her and she is already mentally weackened/Vunerable at the moment your gonna have to find a way to wake her up from it remind her that she’s not a horrible person. If Maybe try and convince her family but I don’t know if you tried it already to get her to go back or if her boyfriend is prying on her. It seems like even if you offer an out she might not listen if her BF is guilt tripping her affecting her psyche. I really hope there’s a way to help your friend though outside of just talking to her and helping her vent. This seems like a situation that might end up needing a long term solution but an immediate answer. I don’t know all the details or want to pry if it’s sensitive but the only think\g I can say atm is keep her calm, be there for her, keep on looking for help or trying to help her.

The problem is she moved away from her family and things arnt looking to well financially and has told me she feels very isolated from the world. Her and her bf work different work schedules so when shes off his at work. When he gets off shes already sleeping. Her job doesnt even give her the full 40 hours a week. With her being pregnant and her having to miss work from time to time because of morning sickness doesnt help. But mostly she just misses her family greatly but feels like she cant leave because the bf wants to be there for the babies. Another issue shes facing is his family smokes and even if they put the cigarette out the smell still lingers. On top of that shes worried about her health due to having more than one baby in her pregnancy.

I would definitely get away from that BF. If someone has to resort to guilt-tripping for continued attention then chances are they probably a shitty person. It does sound like even if he wasn't manipulating her, the family's overall lifestyle and smoking is not a good environment to be around. If her family can help support her if she has her child then there is no reason for her to be with that guy and his family. I'd say to hell with what the BF wants. But then again, since I don't know this person I don't know how to convince of this, this is just my opinion. But as with Aleuzia said, right now the best thing to do is to keep calm and try to find a swift, but sound way to get her out of this. Easier said than done? I do not doubt that. But ultimately if your friend wants help, that is between you and her.

Ok, first there are pregnancy support groups and if she asks her OBGYN(or, whom ever shes chosing to fo thru),I'm more than sure they can recommend one or at least find one for her. And, she needs to get her boyfriend involved in it. There are a lot of things that he won't be able to really wrap his head around without knowing it's an actual issue and many of those issues can/will be caused by just being pregnant (Hormonal changes and what not.). Besides, without his moral support, it can really be a very, very lonely and daunting journey. Second, she again needs to talk to her OBGYN about antidepressants, which are safe for pregnant women and tell the doctor about her current depression issues. Third, A good therapist does wonders(Money willing.). The main theme is, a professional will be able to provide her with more tools, but you are doing good by being moral support. Really, itdoes sound like moving back with family would be one of the best solutions, but I know it's not that simple or easy. What they both need to prepare for is the inevitability of her having to be out of work bare minimum, six weeks and I can guarantee she WILL want/feel the need to take longer. And again, pregnancy support groups do wonders. Just having others who understand the stress involved (and love). It's scary whether you're prepared or not, but worth it if you're mentally willing and better with a good support system.

Be there for her as much as humanly possible, band your mutual friends and her family together and get her out of there as quickly as possible. It's very clear she's in an awful toxic relationship where she's not going to be happy and pregnancy depression is most certainly going to make that whole situation worse if she's already thinking about suicide. The moment she starts getting Stockholm Syndrome is when things get especially dire. It would definitely be a good idea to get a professional or even police to look into the situation if it's especially bad such as physical abuse or refusing to let her go out. Keep being there for her, keep hammering the idea that you're there to help and she's not safe where she is and that she needs to get out now. The sooner you can get her out or she can get herself out then the better off things will be. I really hope she's okay and that everything goes smoothly without incident.

Definitely try to get her to realise that if she stays in her current situation, though it's easier right now, her life will forever be harder. It's best to make a hard choice at the start than a hard choice too late. Best of luck to her, people can make it work (with support)

Don't know enough specifics to talk objectively on this topic, however I will point out things. 1. Depending on how long she's lived with this guy, it's understandable to feel lonely, especially if she lived with multiple people prior. Infact, it's a predictable human reaction. You push in hormones, which can make some women complete psycho's, and you have a recipe for disaster. Considering she's thinking of suicide or abortion, it's obvious that she's feel Desperate. Whether for the right reason's or not. And being around the old family would not be a good thing, considering they smoke(Coming from a family of smokers.) 2. It's not wrong of the boyfriend to want to be around His kids too. So him trying to talk her into it, isn't negative. That's ignoring the objective facts, that fatherless children, have an incredible likelihood for mental issues, are 70% of criminals. While guilt tripping her isn't the right thing to do, neither is taking kids away from their father. So it's a sticky situation already. Especially if she isn't entirely mentally sound, like you're bringing up. Conclusion. Not enough Data. She should go get therapy, so someone with a degree, can assist her in these issues. Like I said, it could just be getting used to the new home, Could be hormones, Could be an abuser(She could be the abuser also. You never know. Abusers themselves often try to make themselves the victims.) It could be many things, But I can't tell you what to do without a good idea of what's going on from both sides. Right now I'd say just stay with her, talk with her, and try to figure out what's going on in that house as much as possible(not just from her either). If it's legitimate abuse, than she should leave. However the ideal scenario, is the children stay near both parents when they are born, For their sakes. So if it's just stress or hormones, or small issues, than they should be fixed.