What to do?

So I have an issue. I don't really have a problem meeting girls or dating or anything like that. My problem exists from my previous relationship. I dated a girl for several years. We didn't grow apart or have some big fight. We just realized we wanted two different things. Now the issue here is every time I start to get interested in another girl I flat out tell them. "My best friend is a girl, and we used to date". Now naturally I wait a bit before telling them this, like a month. I wait until I know for sure it might get serious. But every time I do one of two things happen. They stop talking to me. Or they try to make me choose. And my friendships be it with an ex or otherwise are not a negotiation. But this keeps happening. Am I going about this wrong? Should I lead with it? A friend says I should just not tell her the girl anything. But that stuff has a habit of coming out, so isn't it better that I'm honest? Not sure. So that leaves me with one question. What to do? Oh yeah and I'm new. First post. Not even exactly sure how I found this site. But the community seemed kinda nice. And I'm running low on friends due to closing up a bit.

If any of your potential love interests get scared off after just hearing you have a best friend that's a girl and that you used to date, rather than say, discuss it with you and even wanna meet with them if necessary, good riddance. And if any of them make you have to choose between either you or your best friend, then good riddance to them too. Unless deep down, you still think you can solve that issue with your best friend and that you might get back together, and you unconsciously express this....those girls ain't got any reason to dump you or make you choose like that other than outta selfishness and not understanding your situation. And I disagree with your friend. If you're trying to find a new gf, you're absolutely doing the right thing in being honest and letting them know you have a best friend that you used to date, rather than hiding it from them. Why hide it? If they can't acknowledge that you have a best friend you used to date, they aren't worth your time and you deserve better, so again, you're correct in telling any love interests you have about your situation. So, my advice is keep doing what you do and stay confident in yourself, cause you're doing pretty good from the sounds of it. Oh, and welcome to MO my dude.

Exactly! Why would anyone start a relationship with a lie. The thing is it's happened three times since I've started dating again. I took two years to just kinda fly single and do my own thing. So when I was ready I didn't think this would be the thing that kept me out of a relationship XD. So it kinda has me stumped. I mean we stayed friends, and both think we are better off just being friends. Don't know if it's tmi but we did have sex last year which in hindsight was probably a bad idea on our part. But we never talked about getting back together. Oh, and thank you! Like your profile pic. I really liked Gowthers character design.

Some people start relationships with lies or with masks on to try and be someone else and hide something.....it never ends well though. Your friend might be one of those people, not that I know him or am saying he really is. Well, keep on doing your own thing while trying to find someone then. That's the damn best thing you can do. But what were the two different things both of you wanted that ended up splitting you both apart? Nah, any and all information is useful, whatever you're comfortable with, given that this is a forum. It ain't a bad idea to have sex as long as the both of you remember the reason you're not together anymore....and that neither of you are with or loving someone else at the time. Its up to the both of you what you make of your relationship with each other. So, as long as both of you are comfortable with it, you trust each other, and respect each other's wishes, there's nothing wrong with some sex. But you seem to have some regrets about it. No prob. Thanks, I really like Gowther's design too, and I love his character even more so. Especially after reading his side story.

Oh no my dude he is defiantly one of those guys. And he's never shown good judgment when it came to relationships that I tried toking his advice for a grain of salt. But then when this happened again I let it creep into my head that he might be right. The two things that kinda ended our relationship is 1. She wanted me to move out. I live with my mom and brother but the reasons for this are very simple. My dad passed away in 2016 and I pay a lot of the bills and I know she would lose the house without me. And 2. When my dad passed I changed my mind about having kids. I now want to eventually be a father and she doesn't want to have any. Yo John, thast's a good point. But the thing is me and her still do a lot of stuff together. And I don't want to minimize the relevancy of my friendship with her. But I get what you're saying. For me it would still feel like a small lie if I don't use the right wording to accurately describe my relationship with my ex.

Doesn't sound like he's a good influence on you. Does your Mom/brother not have a job? If she doesn't want kids but you do, enough that you want to find someone else because of it, then I can understand why you're both not together anymore. If you still wanna maintain your current relationship with your ex, then you'll just have to keep looking for someone who'll understand your side of the story, that you don't plan on getting back together with your ex due to different goals and ideals. John's right where some people don't wanna get into a relationship with the feeling of heavy competition, but if that's the case, you have to make it absolutely clear that you don't have eyes for your ex anymore. If they still leave because they see her as competition, there's nothing you can do other than either distance yourself from your ex or find a partner who understands your situation and doesn't mind that you have a close female bestfriend that you used to have a relationship with. Have you talked with your ex at all about how you're trying to find someone else? Do you think she'd be jealous?

Actually...I don't really know how she will feel about me dating someone else. Both of us have been single since breaking up and and up until recently neither of us have really looked. I guess that is a little weird. And I can speak for myself when it comes down to it, that I have no plans on getting back together. But I can't really speak for her. Oh and my brother is in college after getting out of the marines so he contributes what he can. And she cleans and stuff for a living. But that together with the amount of debt and bills is just not enough. I feel guilty thinking about leaving her with the way some of the financials are.

It's normal for all this to feel weird. I think you should talk to your ex about you finding someone else, and see how she responds. Otherwise, this could create some problems for you in the future when you do find someone, and if she does have any feelings left. Do you know why your ex doesn't want children? If you chose to help your mother until she can find stability in her debts and bills, given what happened to your father, then good for you. I can absolutely understand why you wouldn't want to move out yet because of that. Its good you prioritize family.