Vent

I may seem affable, calm and non-judgemental. Truth is if one ever starts to get close of me, I break this facade I inadvertendly raise... Hence why I don't want to get into a relationship.

I always lived under the constant fear of being looked down upon or ignored so I always wore masks since 2016. After all, I spent my life being called "annoying", "boring" and "foolish" by family and outsiders alike. I mean, I really think I have no reason to be suffering. Everyone has pain, sometimes immeasurable, and they don't suffer as much as I do! Strength, that is something I neglected and I must really seek. The way I think of life and society becomes moot when compared with the way I am, making me a dirty hypocrite to the common eye. The problem is within me and yet I act as if the problem is with others. While I am the self-centered, lazy, selfish and arrogant guy writing. Me, me, me, me, me... all I can say is that.

Aaahh fucking people, when you say something like "I'm lonely," they consider you an inferior being, they don't sympathize, or understand. Like they've never been lonely in their life. Fuck you empty shells.

It is infuriating to be selfish. The hypocrisy is blatant. While I complain I ignored, I ignore people. I mean, I can say "I'm lonely", but at the same time I make other say "I'm lonely", too! People have lives! It is not their fault if I am a lowlife without a notion of actually living a life! Thank God if I get a job this month. Damn, maybe actual pain shall override this excuse of a pain I fabricated.