IRL Stories

I once met a guy with an extra thumb, at first I hadn't noticed it till my co worker told pointed it out. I pretended I got a txt to take the picture

He probably knew that you were taking a picture of him anyway. Hell he'd probably think you were even if you weren't. He knows that there's something different about him. And just like in that scene in SAW with the two guys and the chick and the sawblades, we live in an age where anything remotely interesting is immediately immortalized in film absent any consent of the subject being filmed. At least ya had the decency not to show his face in taking the picture. I imagine he gets quite a lot of people taking pictures of him.

I even asked him about it, he's had it since birth. But since cubas idea of medicine is "1 teaspoon of walk it off, and two teaspoons of quit your bitchin" his parents just said fuck it

Some of you may already know, but I went to NYC to see Hamilton not too long ago. It was my first time in that city, so I went to times square to check it out. I saw some naked cowboys, street vendors, stores, and I wanted to cross the street. Me being the dorky little human I was went ahead of the crowd figuring I had to make a run for it.... And I got hit by a bike... in front of a ton of people... I felt terrible for the guy, but I got a huge bruise on the side of my leg, got my knees torn up a bit, skid marks, and a cut in my arm. Moral of the story; never go to NYC

Drifting on icy streets, Molotov cocktails, some Albanian guys with guns, White Castle, and christmas decorations were involved that night

I was underage and because of that alcohol was the coolest thing ever to me. I was in Maryland and got pulled over with a shitload of alcohol in the trunk of the car. For those who don't know, Maryland state troopers don't fucking play. I got sat down on the side of the road and told to wait. Big ass mofo comes up and starts asking questions and shit. I'm bored and I figure I'm already busted so why not have some fun? I look this gigantic Maryland state trooper in the eye, give him the people's eyebrow, and I initiate my attack plan. "Excuse me officer have you ever heard of Biggie Smalls?" He obviously fuckin knew who he was but he wanted to make it like a race thing. Hmmmm mister officer, quid pro quo... "No! Why!? Should I know who that is or something!?" " He's only one of the most influential musical acts of our time, an ultra pop culture icon, and symbol of a powerful American art form." He stayed silent for a while. "And you kind of look like him sir." This is when he got angry and said. "Well I'm gonna go look him up on the computer and if he's ugly I'm gonna come back here and kick you in the face!" To which I responded. "Is that a threat...officer?" And biggie the trooper had to get the last word in. "No! I don't make threats I make promises." And that's how I got to meet lots of cool people at goodwill while doing community service.