Random thoughts...

clockwork orange overrated @ that ultraviolence comment =p and hey if you were the most neurotic/psychotic jackass hellbent on violence you wouldn't announce it. that's the good you crying out to have someone stop them. those who want to do evil and get away with it enough to do MORE evil never ever talk about their evil plans, so write that down haha. and obviously if you want to be enslaved by a gf then you do care about other people. even if you completely objectify and trash a person, you couldn't use them for your own pleasure if they weren't around, so you do care that they exist, which is the same as caring about them. and i agree that when you find the right really smart, manipulative person you can have a beautiful relationship where each person is really toxic to each other but it gets poetic and nice in some weird way. i've been there haha. just know that in my case, it ended in nuclear detonation. and if you're not strong enough you won't make it through that. just be ready for what you're signing up for. losing all your friends that you've worked for for years really fucking sucks, yo

Bruh these dentist have no chill i was literally fine, no pain, no issues. I come back after about 30 mins of them poking my gums and now that shit hurts. I even flossed regularly fam why did you poke me?

was gonna say this ain't a moral argument haha. just trying to give you some advice. there are contradictions in your actions and your desires. trivially so. and hey, pain is the greatest teacher. if that's the way you learn best then, by all means. i just feel really bad because i've been in your exact spot. i got through it by talking it out with rational people who didn't judge me, just trying to do the same for you. best of luck, hope shit gets resolved well