Random thoughts...

Basically whats happening, i think something in me might have snapped that one day i got pissed off because the guys i was trying to be nice to left me to fend for myself.

I wish there was a way to take away the pain I wish there was a way that I could give you everything Damn I wish there was a way I could tell you everything But I can’t

Ngl that deployment really fucked me up dude....i cant even talk to a psychologist about it because i work with them XD imagine having to tell your coworkers how you really feel and still carry on like its nothing.

Basically i have to pay out of pocket to go see one. Idk if you can get insurance but even if you could it would mess stuff up since i am currently insured under the government because im military. So to get seen somewhere else they have to refer me which they wont do because they offer the services there. If i get seen for mental health stuff it also affects my career lets say later down the road i want to go overseas or apply for a high stress job.

Damn that blows, but if it gets out of hand you should dude. I get what it’s like to strive for a job like that, but you don’t want to wait till it kills you either.